


stand

by sousuke



Category: Code Geass
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-22
Updated: 2014-07-22
Packaged: 2018-02-09 22:37:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2000559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sousuke/pseuds/sousuke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Suzaku has always wondered what Lelouch dreams about.</p>
            </blockquote>





	stand

_I wish I was strong enough…_

How long now had he been watching Lelouch sleep? At first he’d probably had to force himself not to scowl, knowing that Suzaku was peering at him curiously, but his face looked relaxed now; his eyelashes fluttered gently in such a way that Suzaku knew he must be dreaming. He wondered what he thought about these days. Laying on his side, one hand tucked beneath the pillow, the ten-year-old fidgeted slightly as he recalled the night terrors that the Britannian boy had suffered from when he first arrived at the Kururugi household. ‘Surely,’ Suzaku thought as he idly counted the seconds between each rise and fall of Lelouch’s small chest, ‘he doesn’t dream at all anymore.’

A flash of light ripped through the darkness, followed closely by a roar of thunder – a delicate hand that was resting on Lelouch’s belly twitched uneasily, startled by the noise, and Suzaku’s attention was drawn to the nest of sandy blonde hair on the other side of the bed. Curled tightly against her brother, Nunnally had buried her face beneath the covers and pressed her forehead to Lelouch’s shoulder. Suzaku carefully reached forward to cup his own hand over hers. In the silence between claps of thunder, the children were peaceful, like for that moment they weren’t each a little broken, and like they had chosen to embrace one another out of friendship and not fright.

Glancing back at Lelouch’s face, he noticed the stillness of his lashes and the slight tightening of his jaw. Suzaku might have thought he was only pretending to be asleep again had it not been for the contradictory steadiness of his breaths. It surprised him how well Lelouch could mask his fear even now, as if somewhere in his dreamless unconsciousness he felt obliged to twist and hide his feelings for his sister’s sake, to brave the storm like he thought nothing of it so she wouldn’t either. Shutting his eyes, Suzaku edged slightly closer and nuzzled into the pillow just beside the curve of Lelouch’s neck. When the tension in the boy’s body melted away, he smiled gently; if Lelouch was going to shoulder the responsibility of protecting Nunnally, then he supposed it was the least he could do to help him stand.

_… to lift, not one, but both of us._

Suzaku’s knowledge on the lore of demons’ sleeping schedules was lacking, but as he watched with cold green eyes while Emperor Lelouch’s head drooped against his chest, he knew that drifting off in an armchair in the early evening was undoubtedly the result of nightmares and not just the nature of the Devil reborn. Suzaku briefly contemplated walking away, since his consideration for the Geass-bearer had long dwindled beyond the point of helping him with trivial things like falling asleep in uncomfortable positions. Arms folded across his chest, he surveyed him almost disinterestedly – until his eyelashes started to flutter in such a way that he knew he must be dreaming.

Dark circles like smudged make-up gave Lelouch’s peaceful face a kind of gaunt impression, partly reminiscent of someone awaiting death, but otherwise he seemed as innocent as Suzaku remembered. For a moment, a sharp wave of bitterness wafted through him, because it felt somewhat offensive that a man like this could appear so harmless, but it died away the more he thought about it. It should have hardly been any surprise to him that Lelouch would don a mask and cast aside his own fears to bring his sister peace. He wasn’t sure if he would ever forgive Zero, but the boy in the armchair tonight, in his dishevelled linen shirt, was the friend he had decided he would support under the weight of his burdens.

Lelouch barely stirred when Suzaku repositioned his arms to make it easier to carry him, nor when he slowly swept him into the air, struggling momentarily not to drop to one knee or lose his grip. He had taken a few steps towards the bedroom before a pair of hands rose to intertwine behind his neck; despite Lelouch’s untroubled expression, Suzaku only now noticed the contradictory quivering of his breaths. Neither one of them spoke. Suzaku’s shoes clicked abrasively against the marble floor, serving adequately as something to listen to aside from the deafening sound of pained tension between them. He wasn’t sure why Lelouch didn’t protest to being cradled, but he looked at him sadly and suspected it was in part because Nunnally was no longer around to hide his feelings for.

Suzaku laid Lelouch down on the bed, unsurprised to find that he hadn’t opened his eyes. He considered leaving in silence, letting Lelouch pretend to sleep until he was so disturbed by his thoughts that it motivated him to face another day; it might have been easier if he had, because he would one day regret not discarding the Prince like those before him, and he would one day regret not murdering Father Time so that the could live in that moment forever. But, instead, Suzaku could practically hear the crash of thunder from the malicious storm of blood and loss that had been brewing around them for some time, and so he eased himself on top of Lelouch’s body and nuzzled into the curve of his neck.

_Someday I will be strong enough …_

Zero’s mask was deceivingly heavy. As he sat on the couch in his private quarters, Suzaku gently ran his thumb over the visor on the helmet his best friend had once worn. His neck and lips felt hot, like they were burning in memory of the night he had spent with Lelouch before his death, but they were as awful as butterfly kisses compared to the pain in his chest. Honestly, he had been prepared for this, and he secretly cherished the ache of his punishment, but of all the lives he had thus far taken, he couldn’t seem to wash Lelouch’s blood off his hands. Sometimes he questioned whether he even wanted to.

Raising the helmet to eye-level, Suzaku stared at it intently. The corners of his mouth perked somewhat inappropriately given how he felt. Sometimes he thought that maybe part of his punishment for what he did to his father was his inability to rescue Lelouch – but that hadn’t been what he wanted to do for him. Lelouch didn’t need saving. All he needed, really, was for someone to lean on when his knees started to buckle, for someone to steady his hand. Swallowing at the lump in his throat, Suzaku smiled. “I wonder,” he muttered, pressing a kiss to the smooth surface of the mask, “what you dream about nowadays …”

_… to lift, not one, but both of us._

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this a long time ago, and looking back on it i'm kinda bummed by how annoying my writing style is :B


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